Bio Break?

Where did it come from and why are people using this term? What was wrong with just taking a break?

Would I be fired?

For leaving a muzzle on the chair of a coworker that is the loudest person I've ever encountered and says "You go girl" so often that I've thought about taking a daily count just to amuse myself?

Every Man For Himself

On the way into Starbuck's this week there was a woman heading out with one arm in a sling and the other hand carrying a coffee. I held the door open for her and another man that was in front of her. As I was waiting for them to exit, another woman charged around me from behind, through the door I was holding, and right up to the counter, leaving the rest of us looking at each other in stunned silence. If looks could kill does not begin to describe the look on my face as I made my way to the counter. As I came up behind the woman, she turned around and said "You go ahead, you were here first". There just might be hope yet.

Seen on Saturday at Borders in Emeryville

A woman walking out of the store reading the last page of the new Harry Potter Book. Are you kidding me? How many hours have you wasted just to cheat? She should have saved her money and just read it in the book store. I don't see the point of sitting there and reading the whole book if you already know the end. So lame.

Pointless Waste of Time

So I was going off recently about how I only seem to find out about shows at the Paramount Theater in Oakland after the fact. Usually after it's sold our or it's the day of the show. Christina thought I was lame because there had to be an email list or something. She actually even sent the link to me. So this morning while checking all the music venue calendars in the area I remembered about the Paramount and actually clicked on the button that said sign up for alerts. After spending a few minutes typing all of my info in it sends me back a red alert. Apparently I already have an account? Oh, right, I did buy tickets once. After having my password emailed to me I went in to see what my profile actually had. Guess what? I've been signed up for the notices this whole time! I'd say it's working out really well and that's why I have heard about all the shows and spent money there.

Any old bandwagon will do

It finally happened yesterday. While walking by someone's desk at work I overheard the words "have you heard about the secret?" My head whipped around to see who was talking to who and then pretended not to be listening. I only managed to hear the part about how it was a book before I was out of ear shot. What is wrong with people? No, I don't want to know. I used to work with someone who was into self help books and she was a nightmare. I'll stick with my meaningless trashy magazines and Regis and Kelly, thanks.

It's always something

Just when I thought that the house was totally in order it happens again, something to rain on your parade. I finally called the appliance repair place and they came out on Friday to fix the stove for the landlord, 2 new burners. All that anger and frustration for a half hours work plus parts. Then yesterday we get home from an all day adventure in the city and the neighbors in the front house have some sort of small dog in their back yard, which makes it our front yard. No big deal. I'm sure it's somebody visiting or something. All I have to do is close the gate so the dog doesn't get into our back yard anymore. Everything is just wonderful.....until I realize that every time the small dog tries to bark a shrill, high pitched whistle goes off to shut the dog up, but is actually worse than the dog barking. One small yip and we then get 10-15 seconds of the whistle that pierces like nobody's business. As I'm writing this I have come to realize that the whistle is going off without the dog barking. Oh good, only a few more hours of my complaining before Clay gets irritated enough to go and do something about it. Just another relaxing Sunday at home.

Dressing Like Children

Why is Dakota Fanning in ALL of the new Marc Jacobs ads? Seriously, how old is she? Every time I turn a page to reveal her, I get irritated all over again.

Customer Service

How did I end up receiving mail from the Viceroy Hotel, where they greet you by your name at all times, addressed to Rocky Morton?

Spring

It's been a rough month and I haven't really had anything petty to complain about. Well that's never true but I didn't feel like sitting down and sharing. Apparently there are 2 of you out there that have requested something so last night on my walk home from Bart on College Ave. a few gentleman caught my eye.

I guess it's officially spring when there is a guy sitting on a bench brushing his teeth like it's no big deal. Perhaps he just finished dinner? While still contemplating that I had to wade through the crowd outside of Zachary's. Why do people waiting outside of a restaurant pretend they are in a lobby instead of a sidewalk and then refuse to clear a path? Dirty looks for everyone. That's when I noticed the crowd of "bikers". Really it was just old yuppie guys with motorcycles, one of which was plush, and I mean that literally. Every surface was covered with a short pile fabric. If you didn't want to get off the couch then why did you embarrass yourself with fur?

What joy will today hold?

Query

Is anybody else freaked out that Heather Mills (who calls herself an activist but we all know why she is famous) is going to be on Dancing with the stars? Should I finally watch to see if there are any tragic accidents? Everyone is thinking this, right?

Why Bother?

Um, if you're not using soap to wash your hands with after using the toilet, what's the point? Why waste your time? I noticed and that scowl was totally for you and you know it lady.

Rain Rage

What is up with the people and their giant golf umbrella's on the streets of sf? Seriously, an entire family of 4 would be dry underneath those personal tents. Perhaps the suitable punishment would be a poke in the eye with said umbrella?

Happy or Sad?

I was lazy this week and didn't feel like walking to the other building to get my morning tea from the cafeteria so I went to Starbucks. As soon as I walked in I was faced with a giant poster for a black tea latte. Oh my god. I love tea latte's. Christina got me started on them from the Temescal Cafe. She called it a teatte and it wasn't on the menu, you had to explain what you wanted, unless the one woman was there who knew what the story was. I haven't had one since I came back to work in the city. I asked if their version had sugar in it and they confirmed that it had some of their creepy syrup so I ordered it without and waited. The first sip took me right back to mornings at Article Pract. But now the part where I'm so happy to have found this again but sad at where it is and how all of a sudden I have a new $3.25 a day habit. The challenges we face each day hopefully make us stronger.

The Deal Breaker

I don't know what happened this week but face lifts are everywhere. I know this has happened to you before where you are watching some movie or tv show and you think you recognize somebody but your not sure because they have aged, but yet they haven't. They're all pulled into some unrecognizable life form of smooth skin and weird shapes. This happened with the woman that plays Courtney Cox's mom on Dirt. It took nearly the entire show to figure out that she was on the Rockford files in the 70's. It's distracting, pulls your attention away from the real action. The real tragedy came from an episode of Charlie Rose that featured a bunch of interviews with Oscar nominees. Got all settled in and pushed play on the Tivo and the first interview was with Peter O'toole. Um wtf? He was so horrifying I actually cried out with an "oh my god". It was so bad that I fast forwarded through until Forest Whitaker was on, and do I even have to go there? I had to delete the entire episode and I am loving Charlie Rose at the moment. The week continued with the reliable women at the gym, just lurking around so that I can be frightened up close and then also have the added bonuses of thongs and juicy track suits on women that are probably in their 70's. No face lifts. Ever.

I'm supposed to be straightening up

It's the night before the cleaners come so i'm supposed to be tidying up. Once a month all of my clothes are put away and the coffee table is cleared off. This will be our 3rd month and we've gotten a little lazy. I used to unbury the kitchen table but I've given up since I've gotten all of the sewing stuff out.

Clay has finally embarked on his butter making experiment and the house reeks. He started it in the crockpot on Saturday and only yesterday after 3 rounds of heat and skimming was it ready for the herb. He tells me it's my fault because I bought him the cookbook at Urban, but that was only so he would stop harassing people to help him. It never ends.

Poo

Yes, that was me that smelled like dog crap on Bart this morning, thank you for asking. For some reason lately whenever I dock my ipod and then go to listen to it again after it has been charged, the volume is at it's highest setting. It's Monday so I have forgotten this and wasn't paying attention to where I was walking. While I was tearing my earbuds out of my ear and trying to turn down the volume I stepped in the squishy mess on the sidewalk. Thanks neighbors.

Regis

Caroline Rhea was the co-host on Regis yesterday. Was Whoopi busy?

always a bridesmaid....

no more.

welcome to lisa's cranky world.

of course, lisa was too cranky to set this up herself, so we did it for her. she enjoys reading other people's blogs while simultaneously bitching about her day. so, just like peanut butter and chocolate—two great things that go well together—this blog is born.

note to public: we have been hogging all of lisa's amusing - um - observations and now we share them with you. you'd better be grateful.
-l + x